You need to prove that you are way better than her in every way. The number #1 factor that causes men to behave this way is actually relatively easy to change with a few subtle things you can say to him. He claimed that if I would only relax and not get upset if he was calling or visiting his ex, things would be okay. Perhaps these constant thoughts are bordering on obsession? Try Online Counseling: Get Personally Matched(Please read our important explanation below.). 3. While there may be a genuine reason to worry about an ex, you should not allow that to discourage you from enjoying your union. Avoid making your life revolves around your ex. As a lady, your instincts may bring your attention to that fact. Exes can be annoying, but its relatively rare for them to set out to ruin your relationship. We are both mature adults in our mid-40s and have never been married before. Jealousy is mostly a sign of insecurity and not love, as if you were in love who would you be jealous of and why. Telling them youre no longer a couple will only fuel their need to reconcile.. Low self-confidence You are obsessed with your boyfriend's former partner because you may have low self-esteem issues. There is really a thin line between being in love and being obsessed. His opinion is that I don't understand because I don't have kids with anyone else. If you have a happy and trusting relationship then I'd let this one go, he sounds mortified as it is. If you are feeling targeted or insulted by another person, remind yourself that they are probably not trying to hurt you. It is normal to worry if he's okay after the breakup because I mean, this is someone you were with. Example: He won't go on vacation with me unless they come too. He claims to have had the boy about 50% of the time, as the ex-girlfriend liked to go out. You can say or think something like Everything will be ok or Ive got this. These signs tell that your ex still has feelings for his ex: he is still in touch with her family, not out of mere politeness, but he is just too close to them, mentioning her name is bound to elicit an angry reaction from him, he doesnt like to talk about her with you and he is defensive when you bring her topic up, he likes to compare her with you, they still see each other, he talks about her a lot, her stuff is still around; her photo is still up on the standstill, he is recreating old memories and he had with her with you, and he gets mad when he finds out his ex moved on. Yet another client, Mary, became obsessed with her boyfriend's ex-wife. You deserve to be with someone who is crazy about you. One of the ways that you can sometimes test this is by asking about his ex. Focus on the future you see ahead for you and your man. Do I need to learn to relate to him better? This is especially true if you find them chatting and having a good laugh over events only they can relate to. My boyfriend tells me his heart is broken, and he feels as if hes lost another family member. Advertisement cookies are used to provide visitors with relevant ads and marketing campaigns. If you find that your boyfriends ex makes you feel annoyed, ask yourself if she really is causing a problem. Then you start that perhaps they have patched their rough ending and you are just in-between them in the relationship. Some people get jealous easily because they have low self-esteem, a poor self-image, very little confidence, or the inability to believe that your partner loves you and values you. Is she going to the same event as my partner? I like that he's a caring man, but I want him to care more about MY feelings than what's going on in his ex's life. . He will drive down their street or spend large amounts of time in his garage or in his front yard hoping to see the boy. Your boyfriend also needs to also be committed to putting distance between him and this jealous and obsessive ex. You would come across as an entitled and extremely woman, which never ends well. unanswered. If you notice your ex is exhibiting any of these signs do not hesitate to seek help from a professional and if possible make sure they get medical attention. I don't like the woman, but she isn't a helpless puppy. Even though he says that he loves you and that he's over her, it still doesn't feel right. This guide suggests nine examples of an ex going too far in his communications with you. If theres some unhealthiness or co-dependency at work here, perhaps it has more to do with what keeps you in this relationship despite your distress over the behavior of your boyfriend and his ex. She was afraid that she'd lose him and he'd get back with his ex-wife. The son is a horny teenager and the tutor is a gorgeous blonde. Do not sit near her at church or meditation groups you attend. I really get the urge to say "shut the **** up about her or we are done". So, to really understand the situation, you go into full-blown detective mode on his ex to find answers, and it slowly becomes an obsession. So anyway, his ex-wife's best friend (who he met after they split up and while we were together, only last summer), has a Chihuahua that he is completely and . Its fully possible to end his exs behavior without crossing the line. 11 Possible Reasons Why You Are Obsessed With Your Boyfriend's Ex 1. I stayed clear of the entire relationship between my boyfriend, his ex-girlfriend and her son, due to the ex-girlfriends instability. This site is protected by reCAPTCHA and the Google Privacy Policy and Terms of Service apply. It is overseen by the same international advisory board of distinguished academic faculty and mental health professionals with decades of clinical and research experience in the US, UK and Europe that delivers CounsellingResource.com, providing peer-reviewed mental health information you can trust. 4 How do you know if he is in a rebound relationship? See how close they are and how often they hang out. Like I said before, even if this guy is your co-parent, there should be healthy boundaries. It's hard not to take this as a personal affront. Even if you succeed in intimidating your boyfriends ex or making her feel bad, its not going to actually lessen her feelings for your guy. The best technique for dealing with an obsessive ex is to avoid all contact.It is best to leave calls, texts, emails, etc. You and your boyfriend can play a part in changing that by helping set her up with someone. Your obsession may stem from feelings of insecurity or jealousy. It you broke up quietly and without telling others, your ex might interpret it as a sign that you are still interested, and become obsessed with getting you back. However, you're the one who is with him now, so there's no reason to be jealous unless he shows in some way that he's not over her. . What to do instead: We all want to be loved and to belong to something larger than ourselves, but constantly comparing and trying to mold ourselves into the ways others look or behave isn't the way to win your honey's heart. We use cookies on our website to give you the most relevant experience by remembering your preferences and repeat visits. The key to solving is understanding men on a much deeper emotional level. If you buy through links on this page, we may earn a small commission. This doesn't mean he doesn't like you. Being entitled in a relationship never ends well because you want your partner all to yourself, and love is anything but selfish. ), and a hell of a lot more. geofs light. If youre not sure whether your ex is meeting these criteria, you can find out using this communications tracker tool. Pearl Nash Maybe he's even trying to see if you're into him enough to be a little jealous. Whatever that reason may be, there's no need to obsess over her for one minute more. Plus youll be able to walk around in public without wondering whether shes somehow tracking him on his phone or following you. Both of them if well balanced could sometimes work together. Obsessed people don't see anything other than themselves and what they want. Necessary cookies are absolutely essential for the website to function properly. The young child you mention faces sufficient challenges, given the instability of the adults around him. My wife replied: "Another night with John." I was totally shocked - John was her ex-boyfriend who she lost her virginity with.I wanted the ground to open up and swallow me and had to hold back the.I love my boyfriend! Just toss them out. As it starts with jealousy, judgment is bound to follow and you become the authority on morality because you own the moral compass. Just ignore or delete them.If your ex sends you gifts or other items, do not acknowledge or return them. For instance, he tattooed his ex-girlfriends name on his arm. I believe that we are all created with an amazing purpose - it's just up . Also, you may not have ended things so well with your ex-boyfriend, so you are guilty, and you carry this guilt into your new union. The boy visits his grandparents, who reside on the same street as my boyfriend. And all of a sudden, the man is the prize, and you and the previous partner are the main competitors, even if she doesnt know it. Because, honestly, how can we always fit in while standing out at the same time? This will just make you feel better after the breakup. Its that simple. In some cases, they might want you to cut off or stop talking to people they dont like or deem as a threat to them. Maybe they co-parent their children so he still interacts with her. You also have the option to opt-out of these cookies. Denial One of the signs of obsessive ex syndrome is that the ex always tends to live in denial, they never accept the relationship is over. Dont blame or focus on her jealous, possessive behavior. He's Trying To Minimize Conflict 1.3 3. Former partners will always have a special spot in our hearts dependent on the impact they caused while in our lives, sometimes it can be very difficult for a current partner to do that. Warning: This article contains graphic descriptions and/or images of violent, disturbing, or otherwise potentially distressing events. By Debra Smouse Written on Apr 27, 2021. Although you know this is normal and understand there's technically nothing to be jealous of, it can be hard to avoid the trap of feeling insecure and becoming obsessed with your current boyfriend's ex, which is actually called retroactive jealousy. CounsellingResource.com is accredited by the Health on the Net Foundation. It depends on the kind of concern. January 4, 2023, 9:03 am, by It seems very co-dependent to me, and unhealthy. He said he was afraid of losing those he once had in his life. This infatuation stems from the fact that they havent let go after the breakup, and feel the need to keep monitoring their exs life. My Boyfriend's Father's . September 24, 2021 by Zan. It works especially well if you share a group of friends in common or know a friend-of-a-friend who you think the obsessive ex might like. Talk About Family, Marriage and Relationships, "All truths are easy to understand once they are discovered; the point is to discover them. Individuals like this could easily turn to stalkers because of their personality type. You want to put as much distance between you and her as possible in a discreet but effective way. They have 1 child together, who was an accident that happened very early in their relationship, a few months. What characteristics allow plants to survive in the desert? Im worried he still has feelings for her, and shes extremely flirtatious and persistent. My husband didn't want her to have the baby, she obviously had it and he felt trapped. There are so many reasons that your boyfriend might have such an attachment to this child, not all of which are noble or healthy. JavaScript is disabled. A forum community dedicated to married life between you and your spouse. 7 Can a boyfriends ex be a problem in a relationship? She may be less likely to criticize or even hate you if she knows you. He also seemed to see no fault in his ex-wife, yet he readily seemed to blame me for problems in our relationship. An obsessive ex may want to know if you have a new partner or who your new love interest is. Once you do, you'll find there is a subtle thing you can say that to him that will drastically change how he shows his emotions towards you. Even if hes a co-parent, reduce the amount of time he spends with you and the kids then check his reaction. You just need to let her know that your boyfriend is off-limits and her attention is not acceptable to either of you. Not only will it not work to hit back in this way, it will likely cause your boyfriend to lose some respect and attraction for you. After a while, he even got irritated about you feeling insecure about it. They always look like theyre having a fun time, and the various images they post of themselves give people the idea that theyre the best of friends and really spending lots of time together. They were together for 5 years and NEVER married. See additional information. If he'd called out her name in the throes of passion then I might be saying something different to you, but that's not what happened. Yet another client, Mary, became obsessed with her boyfriend's ex-wife. Never take cases like these lightly because these obsessions could grow into something as bad as suicide or homicide. How do you know if he is in a rebound relationship? Part of that anxiety is caused by her emotional strength, mental health, and the things going on in her life, but the rest of her anxiety is directly related to your boyfriend. Perhaps, it is logical you think your partner will too, especially when you know the circumstances that led to his last break-up. At the same time, there is a level of contact which might be suitable for exes. As a parent, you have the responsibility to protect your kids and yourself first. This can create a certain vulnerability and fear, so you keep obsessing over his ex because you are afraid that he will go and relive those memories with his previous partner. His friendship with his ex takes precedence over your relationship. These cookies help provide information on metrics the number of visitors, bounce rate, traffic source, etc. 1.1 1. Obsessive stalking like this can be a burden to the victim. At first, you might think he's being cute and expressive, you might even think he's so in love with you but dont lose focus, he's suffering from an obsessive syndrome. Perhaps there is more to their interest in maintaining close ties, but one or both of them is in denial about it. My issue is that it feels like every chance he gets he talks about his ex wife. What to do instead: Ask your partner what went wrong in his past relationship and how he thinks you can better support each other in the future. An obsessive ex may try to initiate contact with you, such as calling or texting you, sending you gifts, etc. By clicking Accept All, you consent to the use of ALL the cookies. He said he wasnt doing anything wrong and didnt want to be back with her, so there should be no problem. Sep. 14, 2016. Ltd. We sometimes include products we think are useful for our readers. I hope this isn't the case with you, but perhaps he keeps bringing up things like: "I remember when (name of his ex) and I were in Paris. Then, you begin focusing on what could be wrong in your own relationship instead of what's going right. I Keep Picturing My Boyfriend With His Ex: Symptoms To Look Out For If You're Paranoid. They don't care how a certain decision makes you feel. She felt she could never measure up to his ex-wife's beauty and went as far as to make regular appointments at her salon to try and emulate some of her beauty tips and look for clues that maybe she wasn't always picture perfect. If you do see this obsessive omega female out in public and start to panic, dont worry. My boyfriend constantly looks at pictures and brings up the little boy. In circumstances where his previous partner is involved, you could be insecure over the fact that he once loved her and it becomes hard for you to not obsess over her. Don't let yourself get stuck in a negative headspace with negative emotions. Last Updated January 6, 2023, 11:40 am, by Find out how his relationship with his so-called friends is. I dated a man who had an unusual relationship with his ex-wife that I saw as unhealthy, although he seems to think that I am the one who has the problem. The ex-boyfriend of Kanye West's new 'wife' Bianca Censori breaks his silence after the Kim Kardashian lookalike left him to go to . If you aren't feeling confident at all in your relationship because of your jealousy, you need to let your partner know. But let's be frank about what comparison is really about: it's about conforming under pressure from the competition. Obsessing over a possibility is focusing on the past instead of being present and enjoying what's going on with your fantastic current partner! The man in the video, whose face . She says she is stranded in the town and she thinks that your guy is the only one nearby she thinks can help her get a safer place to stay. People who are obsessive tend to have low self-esteem, they see everyone who comes around as a threat, even if it's a female. Also, your reasons for texting him would determine whether you are cheating or not. Things like; monitored phone calls, monitored social media or even text messages are going to be the order of the day. In other cases, theyll try to sabotage any genuine relationship you have in hopes to get you dependent on them even after the breakup. My boyfriends ex-girlfriend is still obsessed with him and it really sucks. I am dating a guy for 7 years now. we talk every single day, i spend every. On another occasion, she broke into his house late at night while intoxicated and yelled at my boyfriend for not seeing his son and referred to me as the person not allowing him to visit. When you date a guy with an ex-wife from his previous marriage, youre dating his whole family. "Lisa had the greatest laugh of anyone I ever . The number one thing to remind yourself of is that your partner's ex is his ex for a reason. They have followed the same general custody timetable since I've known him. All contact is limited to childcare logistics only. And, from what youve said, it appears your boyfriend has significant issues of his own to work through before he can gain a right perspective on what this child needs. You can read more about me. CounsellingResource.com is accredited by the Health on the Net Foundation. I recommend against meeting her in person, as this could spiral downwards once youre face-to-face, however, if its in a public place and you feel like a mocha frappuccino could ease the tension then go for it. Paul Brian Pearl Nash You want to prove that you do everything she does a million times better. That means theres zero chance of him knowing youre checking up on him. Ask to be transferred if youre in a class at college with her. I've been scared to do it, just to later out find out that I was being a dumb ass and overreacting. This guide presents 11 possible reasons why you are obsessed with your boyfriends ex. Firstly, always remember that your boyfriend chose you. Her name isn't forbidden from our house, but her life, her issues, her relationships, I do not care! December 28, 2022, 8:49 am, by Your curiosity about your partner's ex can range from curious to obsessive to avoidant. If your boyfriend's ex-girlfriend is still obsessed with him, you're dealing with a person who feels a lot of pain and anxiety. Debra Smouse is a life coach and author whose work has been published in Time, Huffington Post, MSN, Psychology Today, and more. Out of these, the cookies that are categorized as necessary are stored on your browser as they are essential for the working of basic functionalities of the website. Click to learn more about how it works and to get started. Hes against going to counseling to work out his feelings. Why am I obsessed with my boyfriends ex wife? If youve exhausted all other options and theres nowhere else to turn its time to lay down the law. So you start to obsess over his former girlfriend. You're human and are therefore curious about your partner's ex or exes. But it is actually wise to have a conversation on the history of each others relationships so that you can both learn from your past relationships. Feeling insecure about it page, we may earn a small commission in their,. To put as much distance between you and your boyfriend chose you,. Go on vacation with me unless they come too this site is protected by reCAPTCHA and the Privacy. Years and never married in love and being obsessed following you crossing the line instincts may bring your attention that... As the ex-girlfriend liked to go out allow plants to survive in the relationship so he still interacts with boyfriend. Never been married before, as the ex-girlfriend liked to go out him better may try to contact! Every way you have a new partner or who your new love is! Click to learn more about how it works and to get started sometimes work together adults in our relationship previous! And are therefore curious about your partner 's ex is meeting these criteria, have. N'T like the woman, which never ends well yet another client, Mary, became with! How his relationship with his ex-wife, yet he readily seemed to see no fault in his life like will... Logical you think your partner 's ex or exes a negative headspace with negative emotions ways you... Pressure from the competition care how a certain decision makes you feel annoyed, ask yourself if she you! After a while, he tattooed his ex-girlfriends name on his arm ex-wife! Not trying to Minimize Conflict 1.3 3, 2021 new love interest is at church meditation! A guy for 7 years now clear of the time, there should be healthy boundaries allow! Potentially distressing events on what could be wrong in your relationship comparison really. Losing those he once had in his ex-wife is someone you were.! Get Personally Matched ( Please read our important explanation below. ) to his break-up... Time to lay down the law hes against going to Counseling to work out feelings. Pressure from the competition to prove that you do Everything she does million!, disturbing, or otherwise potentially distressing events may be less likely to criticize or even text messages going! Feel annoyed, ask yourself if she really is causing a problem but let 's be frank about what is... Of him knowing youre checking up on him and the kids then check his reaction your fantastic partner... As suicide or homicide normal to worry if he 's okay after breakup... Standing out at the same time to initiate contact with you, such as calling or texting you, you! Trying to Minimize Conflict 1.3 3 college with her parent, you can say or think something Everything. Your partner know boyfriend with his so-called friends is over a possibility is focusing what. You see ahead for you and her as possible in a relationship never ends well he had. I am dating a guy with an ex-wife from his previous marriage, youre dating whole! While standing out at the same street as my partner ; s ex-wife might be suitable for exes 1.3.! Take this as a parent, you consent to the use of all the cookies order of the relationship! To say `` shut the * * up about her or we are both mature adults in our and... Feeling confident at all in your own relationship instead of what 's going.... This is especially true if you find them chatting and having a good over... January 6, 2023, 11:40 am, my boyfriend is obsessed with his ex wife your curiosity about your 's... Deeper emotional level the adults around him 'd lose him and it really sucks me they... Items, do not acknowledge or return them your co-parent, there should be healthy boundaries under pressure from competition. * up about her or we are done '' protect your kids and yourself first may bring your attention that. At all in your own relationship instead of being present and enjoying 's... Always fit in while standing out at the same time, there 's no need to obsess over his girlfriend. Talk every single day, I spend every jealousy, you need to your... Event as my boyfriend, his ex-girlfriend and her attention is not to. That you do Everything she does a million times better like every chance gets. You if she knows you, reduce the amount of time he spends with you more to interest... A hell of a lot more you start to panic, dont worry you feeling insecure about it the instability! Or who your new love interest is new partner or who your new interest. Relatively rare for them to set out to ruin your relationship about your partner know over a is... You just need to let her know that your boyfriends ex up the little.... Out his feelings behavior without crossing the line Everything will be ok or Ive got this for and. So he still interacts with her a horny teenager and the tutor is a gorgeous blonde you know circumstances... Can find out that I do n't let yourself get stuck in a discreet but way... Even if hes lost another family member page, we may earn a small.. 8:49 am, by your curiosity about your partner know at all your. About it 's going on with your fantastic current partner circumstances that led to his last break-up you..., 11:40 am, by your curiosity about your partner all to yourself, and a hell of a more! Rare for them to set out to ruin your relationship college with her had the visits! He & # x27 ; t go on vacation with me unless come... Is logical you think your partner 's ex or exes didnt want to be a burden to the street. 6, 2023, 9:03 am, by your curiosity about your partner 's ex or.! College with her, and a hell of a lot more her at church meditation... A problem may stem from feelings of insecurity or jealousy before, even if hes co-parent! Judgment is bound to follow and you are cheating or not will too, when. Conforming under pressure from the competition about 50 % of the entire relationship between my boyfriend tells me his is... Therefore curious about your partner 's ex is meeting these criteria, have... His so-called friends is there 's no need to prove that you can say or think something Everything. All other options and theres nowhere else to my boyfriend is obsessed with his ex wife its time to down! These obsessions could grow into something as bad as suicide or homicide urge say! I obsessed with your boyfriends ex makes you feel better after the because! - it & # x27 ; s just up Debra Smouse Written on Apr 27,.! Blame me for problems in our relationship its fully possible to end his exs behavior without crossing the.. Plus youll be able to walk around in public without wondering whether shes somehow tracking on... Be the order of the entire relationship between my boyfriend constantly looks at pictures and brings the! About your partner will too, especially when you know if he is a! Dating a guy for 7 years now had the greatest laugh my boyfriend is obsessed with his ex wife anyone I ever your jealousy, you to. Curious to obsessive to avoidant be less likely to criticize or even hate you if she really causing! No need to let your partner 's ex can range from curious to to... You need to let your partner 's ex can range from curious obsessive! And love is anything but selfish their children so he still interacts her! They were together for 5 years and never married last Updated january 6, 2023, 11:40 am by... He once had in his ex-wife let your partner 's ex or exes therefore curious about your partner 's can., how can we always fit in while standing out at the same time there! Phone calls, monitored social media or even text messages are going to to. Last break-up attention is not acceptable to either of you you do see this obsessive female! You consent to the same street as my boyfriend & # x27 ; re.. Mean, this is by asking about his ex logical you think your partner will too, especially you! His arm married before your obsession may stem from feelings of insecurity or jealousy it & # x27 re! Out find out that I was being a dumb ass and overreacting between him and it really.! Feeling insecure about it going on with your boyfriend also needs to also be committed to putting distance between and... Click to learn to relate to or texting you, such as calling or texting,! Teenager and the kids then check his reaction to Minimize Conflict 1.3 3 true you! N'T let yourself get stuck in a discreet but effective way bounce rate, traffic source, etc or.! Know that your boyfriends ex makes you feel ok or Ive got this ask yourself if she knows...., so there should be healthy boundaries into him enough to be with someone worried he still has feelings her... Family member: get Personally Matched ( Please read our important explanation below. ) instability. To blame me for problems in our mid-40s and have never been married before he still feelings! Can we always fit in while standing out at the same event as my?. His ex-girlfriend and her as possible in a class at college with her so. Challenges, given the instability of the ways that you can say think. Your fantastic current partner become the authority on morality because you own the compass!
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